"Eh, we have these big things we need to discuss that have stalled out.  When we talk about taking the family vacation to Florida, the finances, the trip, and the hassle keep us from making any decisions," a client of mine said recently.

Have you ever felt the same about a big decision or some other overwhelming issue in your life?  Have you ever been on a team where multiple people needed to agree before you moved forward, only to have two folks disagree and hold up the whole process?  Or have you ever had a conversation where you keep talking past the other person?

I know these situations have happened to me a ton of times in my life.   When I was a professional computer programmer, we would often have a nebulous set of requirements and problems to solve to get the dang software to work.  

Take this business situation from a previous client.  The ask was, "I want to take all the inventory in the warehouse and store, and have a live count of all...

I recently had a conversation I often have with some of my coaching clients.  It's the universal "who do I want to be when I 'grow up'" or the struggle to find purpose.

The question about "finding your purpose" usually comes from a few different areas:

• Your life was defined by what others wanted, not you.
• You've lost connection with something you were passionate about before
• You feel like you are going through motions that don't matter or are appreciated by your team/family/community
• Feeling like you don't control your life or are not "living" your life

We've all probably felt one of these at some point in our lives.

When I've felt off-purpose, I usually also felt restless, anxious, and like I'm running through the motions.  I've learned that when I start to feel this way consistently that it's time for a change.  This insight has lead to a ton of personal growth and figuring out just what is "my purpose".  

It's also led to tons of adventure and the...

How do you set up boundaries with folks we already know?  As we learn and grow, we sometimes come up against situations where our relationships don't reflect our current values and aspirations in the world.

What do you do?

Well, recently I had a conversation with a buddy about just this topic.  Here are the five ideas I shared with him.

1. Imagine the ideal future with these friends.
2. Be your best self to make the ideal future a reality.
3. Change your mindset or belief about the situation.
4. Anticipate the worst-case scenario.
5. Role-model this relationship for your family, friends, co-workers, and anyone else who looks up to you.

Check out the video for a little more context on my friend's story and each of these points. At the end our conversation, my friend felt like he could figure out how to change his situation in a way that was congruent with his values.  And that's a powerful idea.

This week the mighty Rebecca Mountain and I chatted about confidence and life.  She recently launched a book about her journey and WOW.  Some intense and inspirational stuff!

The big idea we chat about in this facebook life is the duality of confidence.  Feeling confident in what you know and feeling confident when you need to ask for help.

We've all had the experience when we knew we could do it, we got into a flow, and we executed the thing flawlessly.  Maybe it was driving to work, or maybe it was playing Mozart one-handed in front of 1000 people.  

We also have had the experience when we were certain we didn't know what to do.  Think about parenting your first child, delivering a speech in front of peers, or being asked to play Mozart one-handed in front of 1000 people.  :)

When we know what we know, and know what we don't know, we are confident in what we need.  It's the spaces between where we get into trouble....

I know today is Black Friday, so let me first share I do not have anything to sell you today.  I am working on something free for you early next month because you are great and I want to show you some appreciation.  I admire folks striving to realize their dreams and have a greater impact on their teams and communities.

So why am I sending an email to you on "Crazy shopping day after Thanksgiving"?  Well, for those willing to brave the crowds, it can be a stressful day.  Having worked retail for years in high school, and then on the corporate side at Wal-mart, you can see best intentions turn good people into crazy bargain monsters. 

For some folks, it's the chance to get gifts affordably.  For some, it's the thrill of the bargain.  For others, it's a family tradition that starts the holidays.  

Having worked in retail, you can really see the best and worst in people this time of year.  

My wish today is no matter if you out in the...

This week I'm getting married!  So I've been thinking about the special people in my life, my vows, and what this week means for me.

As such, I started thinking about all the people I care about that can and can't make it this weekend.  About the people, I have not talked to or seen in too long, and the people I get to see regularly.

So I wondered, why did I keep up with certain people, and not others?  Have you ever lost touch with someone you loved or enjoyed the company of?

Recent articles quoting how most people in the US have an average of one close friend or confidant, highlight the need for more social connection.

So with this small tidbit of knowledge, I have a challenge for you.  This week, tell someone you care about them directly that you appreciate them, that you want to hang out, that you want to catch up, that you care.

Even if you don't believe the research or have a vast network of close folks, this is still a great idea because we need more...

We've all been there.  We pour our heart, soul, brainpower, hopes, and dreams into our effort, and we don't feel like we have made the progress we should. 

Inevitably, the question comes up, "should I stop this, or should I keep going?".

The answer is - it depends.

Are you focused on what happens when you win the fight, or that the battle is too much?  Is it worth the fight to continue pushing, sweating, exerting, to make progress?

Are you focused too much on this part of your life, so much that you are neglecting other parts of your life?  Would clearing your head with family help you solve that big work problem?

When was the last time you celebrated ANY progress?  Even just a little win.  Or are you dreading all the hardship and hurdles?

Your answers to those questions will answer the question, "Should I stop or keep going." 

If you're striving for service to your family or your community, it's important to keep these questions in front of your...

What makes projects more complicated, more costly, more emotionally frustrating, and/or less successful?  

I bring this up because a big personal project is coming up: my wedding.

Nobody ever told me the planning part would be a big test to the relationship. It turns out the things that make or break projects are the same for relationships.

It's all about communication because projects are all about relationships.

Fortunate for Ashley and myself, we did a ton of work on how we communicate before we took on our "big noble project."

Have you ever been on a project where everyone is conflict-avoidant, so nobody can have the tough conversations needed to keep the project on track?

 Or maybe have you ever been on a project that took more time, resources, and commitment then you originally planned? You maybe forget why you are doing the project because you feel frustrated it keeps slogging on. 

I know I have, and thankfully learned some (read many) big lessons...

What are your next best steps towards building your business?  What are your next big moves that will create more intimacy with your loved ones?

These are questions I often dance around with my coaching clients, because they start off with the question, "What do I do next?".

Clarity is such an important topic in performance for many reasons.  Having clear next steps can make or break motivation.  Not knowing what to do next can help distraction win, or other peoples agendas trump your own.  The research on performance shows that those who spend more time getting clear on who they are and what they want are more successful, too.

So if you are feeling kind of lost and don't know what to do next, what do you do?  Just as importantly, if you are clear on your next steps, how do you keep your future vision in focus as you march forward?

The highest performers sharpening their vision by journaling, talking to their coach, and refining their ideas on what to do...

Our perception defines how we see the world.  Our beliefs shape our world view.

This reasoning is probably why most personal growth starts with better understanding and shaping our beliefs.

"What are your beliefs? " is a question I was asked this past week.  Can you answer that question?  For me, I was able to speak to a few with my buddy, and it stuck in my mind.

What patterns or themes keep repeating, or define our personality?  

What comes up for you?  It's powerful to understand how you are operating and to see if you are pushing yourself forward or holding yourself back.

Well, I fumble through four of my beliefs in this weeks video.  Classic Shawn.

Hope you enjoy it, and be sure to share some of your defining values below too!