One thing that's stealing your happiness, and what to do about it.

Uncategorized May 07, 2019

I recently got back from a week long training seminar, and it was fantastic!  Almost everyone was enthusiastic, up-beat, and excited to learn how to help people find breakthroughs that improve their lives. (This was the yearly coaching certification training).

What does this have to do with one thing that's stealing many people's happiness?  Well, I have a friend who had nothing but complaints about the event.  It was frustrating because this person complains a lot about a ton of things.  We all have our moments and complain.  It's a human thing.

Complaining robs us of happiness, feeling satisfied, or enjoying the moment.  We feel frustrated we don't have control, so we point out how things are flawed.  We blame others for our lack of success, or we wait for someone else to fix a problem we are facing.  There is little agency or control for the person who complains

We live in a society that LOVES to complain.  Take a look at the internet.  You can't say anything without tons of strangers lighting the torches and grabbing their pitchforks.  The great power of the internet is connection, and we can use that power to unite or divide people.

It's only when we call on the best parts of our selves, and take a look at our own behavior can we make the right choice to bring people together (and not complain).

High performers know the opposite of complaining isn't gratitude - its self-agency.  The feeling we can make a difference, that we hold our own destiny in our own hands, dispels the need to complain.  All we need to do is get to work figuring it out and getting it done because it's up to us.

So, how do you build more self-agency?  Here are five questions my clients and I use to build a more robust mind.

  1. Ask "What can I do about this" - 
  2. Ask "What am I excited about today" - 
  3. Ask "What am I grateful for today" 
  4. Ask for help
  5. Ask " Whats the most meaningful next step?" 


We all encounter things we can't control.  We can either be defined by our experience, or how we respond to that experience.

Don't complain, get to work.  You got this!

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