People Remember How You Last Made Them Feel: Relationships, Confidence, and High Performance

If you've ever been in a situation where you loved or hated your boss, it's probably because of how they made you feel when you talked with them. I'd also bet the boss you loved had much more influence with you than the boss who yelled or put you down.

One experience I had in corporate America was when a team-mate came into my office, screaming profanities at me.  I was able to keep my cool, and we moved past it.  But I never really trusted him to have a civil conversation again, and the team suffered from not being able to have candid discussions about the work.  

On the other hand, I've had team members that always had helpful insight on how to make things better.  These folk's tended to have a ton of influence with me at work because I felt like my work was better because we worked together.  Even if they were a bit too candid and direct with my approach. 

There are also people like my buddy Jim who always inspires me to be healthier and better, though his example.  I love hanging out with him because I feel like a better human afterward, and he is one of my go-to people when I have a tough problem I need to solve.

What's the big lesson here?

People Remember How You Last Made Them Feel.

I don't remember where I heard that phrase, and yet it has stuck with me over the years.  It has served me well in navigating the corporate environment and my personal relationships.

Relationships and influence are a huge portion of high performance.  You can get more done when you can align goals and hold influence with those around you.

Below are some of my favorite strategies for building relationships and influence in a cool way.

1. Have an inspirational dinner - At the dinner table, ask your family member or friend about their big dreams, encourage them, and share your own.  That's it.
2. Connect with people on their interests - Dale Carnegie suggests you scope out someone's desk or space and ask questions about things you see.
3. Share ideas and ask about improvement - Talking to someone on how something could work better or be better designed can build trust and get the creativity flowing.
4. Ask about and know what other people are about - In a nonjudgmental way, ask more about what people think and feel, and less about other people and events.
5. Know other people's challenges and pain-points - Understanding where other people struggle can help you connect with them, especially if you can help them overcome their struggle.