Why We Delay (Big) Decisions: Reasons Why People Get Coaching Pt 1

One thing that gets in most people's way is delay.

We trick ourselves into thinking that we will do it tomorrow, next month, or next year when "things are better." What we are really doing is choosing to feel good now over feeling great later when things are complete. 

Procrastination is one of the most common reasons people seek High Performance Coaching. Why? Because we are skilled at avoiding things we don't want to do, and sometimes it takes an outside person to point out when we subconsciously avoid the things we KNOW we should be doing.

In this week's blog, I share the FIVE main reasons people avoid, delay, and procrastinate and what you can do about each. Also, each point has a small story about a client to show how others have moved through each sticking-point.

So if you've ever:

• Put off making a significant career change
• Struggles with changing health habits you KNOW you need too
• Avoiding change because you are afraid
• Getting distracted when you NEED to do something else
• Struggled finding the support you need to take bold action toward your dreams

Then this video is for you! Because the thing that gets in most people's way is delay.

Listen, isn't it true that sometimes learning about a topic isn't enough to take action so you get the transformation you want?

Which is why I am excited to offer you a FREE 1-hour high performance strategy session! Apply for you FREE 1-hour session, where we will will personalize a plan to get you the change you want in life!

Why is this call free?

I am starting a new Youtube Series called 'Coaching Moments," and I'd like to share snippets of our conversation to show how the High Performance coaching process works. You get a free call, I get material to show how cool the CHPC process is!

If you are interested, apply here:

If you are interested in coaching and want a private strategy session for $197, apply here.

Transcript:
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Shawn Buttner: [00:00:00] Procrastination is a common coping strategy that hardly ever works out . It's trading short-term good feelings for long-term success, long term wellness, long term progress. And it, it's something that so many people deal with when they come to me to, to get some.

So, the first job that I had as a software engineer out of college, was really stressful, financially it wasn't where I needed to be. I didn't feel like it was having the impact that I wanted. I always felt like I was overworked, in the sense that. All I did was think about work.

All I did was code. My whole life was consumed with it. And it didn't matter how much progress I made during the day. I, I would never feel like I was caught up. I was always like three steps behind where I thought I needed to be. And that led to burnout. And that's another video that, that I'll, [00:01:00] I'll share with you, but.

eventually I'm like, something needs to change. And I stumbled on high performance through Per when I was studying personal development and personal finance, and really that changed everything because High performance helped me figure out what I wanted, helped me figure out how to make a plan, helped.

Get motivated and feel good about that plan and evol eventually make the move. But it took me 18 months and maybe you've had a big project or a big task or a big goal that you've been putting off and, and for me, , probably for the first year, it was next month. I'm going to make the, the cha the decision to start this idea that I had for a business to have that impact, that I want to live the life that I really want, or I'm gonna be in a better position next month financially.

Like it'll all be just better. So I should just wait until next month. that month turned [00:02:00] into six months, turned into a year, and I'm like, why have I not changed ? why do I keep putting off this big decision? And the thing with, with procrastination also is that the. We are putting things off thinking that it's going to help us make the big decision and make the jump, or make the big change.

We really, we just want more information, right? We don't have the information to get to that next level. So, to make that choice, to make that jump, to have the courage to step forward and do what we gotta do, so, That's what high performance helped me with. It helped me, get clear on what I wanted, helped me really figure out how to take those bold steps to realize that and to get momentum in order up to the point where I could say, okay.

This is my do or die date. This is the date that I'm going to make the change or I'm not. And then I'll be okay with what happens after that. But, and here are the steps that I need to do to [00:03:00] make that decision happen. And so you start to work backwards. And so for me, that making that decision, being in a seminar with some new mentors and being in a good community, and getting the coaching that I need helped me create that plan, set that due date, and then six.

After that, I left that job, started a business. and really everything changed for the better AF in that, in that point of my life, blah. So what are the five reasons why people procrastinate and what can you do about them? So I wanna break this down through the high performance coaching framework.

Um, again, I have a lot of people that that come to me because they've been putting off things and will talk about some of my. That and some stories about each of these points related to my clients. So you get a, an idea of why certified high performance coaching is great for helping you overcome that sense of delay and to get into action.

[00:04:00] Okay, so the first thing is there is a. Delay due to lack of clarity, meaning you don't know what the next steps are. You don't know what the next action is with the full integrity of who you are, your values, your family's values, you are, so when it comes time to act, you waste a lot of energy, a lot of momentum, a lot of excitement, trying to figure out those steps.

A lot of times you get distracted or you're like, oh, this is so tough, , time to do something else. And that's when the procrastination kicks in. And, and so that was the, the case for one of my former clients, Anna. She had, studied, she was working in schools with at-risk kids, doing psychology type stuff, counselor stuff.

And she went to school and had spent four years being one test away from having an important credential that would help her get. Help her get access to different [00:05:00] types of jobs in the school system. And, she came to me, she's like, I have all these ideas and I can never, I just can't seem to get this credential.

I can't take the task, I can't study for, I can't set it up. And so, so she was really struggling with, with putting off and like, Like I was talking about before, she's like, oh, next month I'll have more time. my time with my daughter will be different, so, I wanna spend more time with her right now, and so on and so forth.

And so we got into coaching, I'm like, okay, what do you really want? And it took a little bit of time to, to narrow that down, but she's like, I think I want my career to be like this. I want this much time to spend with my daughter. So there's a lot of lifestyle things. We're able to flesh out, and I'm like, what are the steps that'll help you get to that?

And it came back to that pesky credential. So, What we ended up doing is we're like, okay, like when's the next test? We're gonna sign up for it. You can sign up for it, right? [00:06:00] And she was like, yes. So she signed up for it. I'm like, okay, how much studying do you have to do in order to make that date in like, I think it was like two months or something in the futures, like should start now.

And this is, that's, that's right out the plan. And so she wrote out the plan and ultimately that exercise of this is the lifestyle I want, this is why it's important to. I want more time with my daughter. I want my commute to be different, and so on and so forth. All the things that she said that were important to her, this is the plan.

Getting that clarity cleared the path, so all she had to do was show up and study at like four o'clock in the afternoon or whatever. She had put it on her calendar, which I made her do as her coach. lo and behold, two months happens. She takes the test, she passes the test, she gets her credential, she starts shifting her career around and starts a whole business helping people that are, deal with trauma environments, right?

[00:07:00] So, When something bad happens at a school or at in the school system, she had a whole process of helping staff and students and faculty members all kind of dealing with it together and had a big, huge ripple effect. And it all happened because she got clarity. where she needed to go and, and why and how that was aligned with her goals.

So that's why we really need to be working on clarity all the time. And that's talking with mentors, that's journaling. It's doing all the things we do in personal development. But when you are clear with where you want to go, that clears probably 70% of the barriers that get in the way. What about those 30% of barriers that happen after that?

So the second reason why people put things off until the future or delay things is exhaustion. you've been working, you're, you're toiling, you're sweating, you're crying, [00:08:00] you're putting in all this effort and you're wore out. Right? And we experienced exhaustion for a bunch of different ways, you know?

Burnout it. It's not taking care of our bodies, it's not getting enough sleep, having enough water, getting enough exercise, getting enough time in the sun, all those types of ABCs of our physicality, which is something I help all the time in my coaching practice with. People figure out ways to, to just ha operate on those basics a bit better.

But they also, Feel a lot of the times and the clients I worked that they don't have any control over that end of the day. And when I hear that, I always think, let's check in with your habits. Right? And it's like one of my former clients, James, who was a rockstar at work, he gave everything to his job as an educator.

he'd get home, he'd had two kids and he just would sit on the couch [00:09:00] and then until it was time to make dinner. So he took care of dinner for the family back to the couch. Wife was a little upset. He felt bad that he wasn't helping out more with the kids when he got home cuz she was stay at home. And so, and he wasn't role modeling the right health habits that he wanted to.

So he shared that in our coaching session and. He came to coaching looking for how do I get more energy? How do I get, rid of this exhaustion so that I can change at home and make, be a better role model for my kids, be a better partner for my wife, and feel like I'm contributing to the family at home.

That was what he was really important, what was really important to him, and so. Overcoming that exhaustion of giving your all during the day is something a lot of people struggle with. And so if that's you, I'm cheering you on just like I cheered on, James. And, and ultimately through the coach or coaching process, it was what are some little [00:10:00] wins we can do?

Um, and what are some little shifts we can do to, to shift your health, to shift your exercise. Cause that was the, the point that was really kind of the big point of contention for. it was not consistent. So having a sense of discipline in his health was the big thing we worked on. And he came again to who he role modeling for.

He is like, I want my kids to live healthy lives. I want them to have healthy habits, which is very noble. so we celebrated that and we said, okay, like, how can you better role model and. That question with him kind of brainstorming what to do. He's like, my kid, my oldest kid has a sticker chart and he lives and dies by that sticker chart for good behavior at school.

He's like, what if I had a sticker chart for exercising at home that my wife and my two kids could see and they could help me be [00:11:00] consistent? So having that social facing, Declaration of I did the thing I set out to do or I didn't. And it was started out just like, did you do 15 minutes on the treadmill bill?

Like super easy and you can work your way up from that. And surprisingly to him, It worked, right? So he has, been going two years now consistent with workouts because he has that sticker chart for his workouts on the calendar, and his family knows that when he does his workout, he puts a sticker on and his family's cheering him on.

So that helped him get more energy to do the workouts and to have more energy at home to help. And so that's such a huge, huge transformation for him. And he really appreciated, our work together in making that happen. But that's the power of coaching, right? Sometimes you need someone to push you a little bit to, to help you generate some ideas that will [00:12:00] really help propel you and get the success that you want.

So that's the. Reason why people tend to procrastinate and how you can work through it. Sometimes it's that social declaration of what you wanna do. but again, it's also connecting to why it's important. role modeling better habits for your, your kids, contributing more and, and feeling like you're helping more out in the, with your spouse at home.

So, super big things. third, Thing that prevents people from taking action right away or getting into procrastination is fear of change. Right? And so it, it sometimes, in, in high performance we talk about three different types of fears. This is something that we talk about in some of the, the worksheets that we do in certified high performance coaching.

But there's three different types of fears, right? At the high level there is loss fear. Process fear, and [00:13:00] there is outcome, fear, right? So loss fear is just simply being afraid that by starting something new or making a change, you're going to lose something that you like or really love. So if I'm going to start running marathons and taking my health more seriously, the the change, then I'll lose the ability to eat cookies and pizza every day.

Something I love that's maybe not good for me. So, In that particular example, that's lost thing. I'm going to be giving up some foods that I like to be healthier, to put it another way. so how do you deal with loss? Fear. You gotta focus on what you gain. And sometimes it can be really hard when you feel that fear to, to find your way through that.

But again, that's why you need a coach. You need someone that's cheering on that has your best intentions and your. Future in mind to help Ka Julia to help you explore. Skillfully so [00:14:00] that it doesn't hold you back, so you get out of that procrastination loop. the second type of fear that people have is process fear that if I'm going to train for a marathon, that running and, and training up to get to those 26.2 miles is going to be so terrible that it's not even gonna be worth it.

Right? And so in those instances, it's really. Shifting your focus and shifting your psychology to think, what will I learn along the journey? What will I, it's again, another way of saying what will I gain? But what will you learn by going through this process and is that worth it? it, it could be like, maybe I don't.

Actually run the race, but I learn how to commit and be disciplined for three months to something that I don't like or something that hurts or, or what, whatever that is. It's different for everyone. And that's again, why you need a coach to, to kind of help talk that through that. [00:15:00] But having that shift in mind can help you like, oh, I'm going to learn all these cool things.

It's going to make me a better person with more skills or whatever, type of. Intrinsic or extrinsic rewards that you look, having that align can really help you break through that. The third type of fear that we all deal with is outcome, fear. So in the marathon example, if I get over the finish line and accomplish the thing, it's not gonna feel as cool as I want it.

You know? And, and I think in James', example that, he knew that the journey would be good for him. He had a little bit of process here, like, oh, I'm gonna be giving. Quiet time or time to rejuvenate, but ultimately is like, what, what happens if I do this and there's nobody to celebrate with, right?

There's no recognition of the hard work I did, except for what, I did myself. But that's not motivating, right? That, that [00:16:00] celebration of, Hey, look, I, I did the thing that I set out to do with the family and kind of role model. Really helped him. And, and so that's adding to the outcome of exercising every day, right?

Put a sticker on, celebrate with the kids, put a sticker on, celebrate with the kids, that type of thing. So super, super powerful. and, and so, and, and that's again, a way to deal with outcome is how do you make it fun? How do you make it exciting? How do you make it rewarding by, accomplishing it?

What are you going to feel proud of at the. Is a way to get out of that type of fear. And so we have more tools about that in high performance coaching. If you are curious about, maybe you're putting something off and you need a little bit of help, below is a link to get a free one hour strategy session, on high performance with me, where we go through the certified high performance coaching process.

And so like each of these stories. I'd love to be able to highlight you [00:17:00] in a future video. but more importantly, I'd love to show people the process. So if you are game, then, the link below, you can sign up for a free one hour strategy session. You go through, you do an application, which is, is partly for me to understand where you're at, to know what we need to focus on to make the session go really well.

But it's also to kind of weed out people that aren't ready for coaching or aren't. Willing to put in the work. And having done this for so many years, you kind of pick up on when people aren't really committed to the process. So that's why we do it for there, since it's free. Normally I, do this, strategy session for $197 for the hour.

Uh, but if you agree to put it on for me to put it on YouTube, it's free. If you wanna do a private session, it will be 197. That option's down there too. So if you're shy, you're like, I don't want my stuff to be out in the world, [00:18:00] totally get it. But, those are the two offers. Click on the link low. Choose your own destiny.

Everyone does the application. Everyone gets the same amazing hour of that strategy session, so I hope you join me. So click that link below. All right, the fourth thing that people get stuck in. procrastination, it's distractions, right? So you know what you gotta do. You're, you have the energy to do it.

You aren't afraid of anything, but when it comes time to sit down, you're just like, oh, like I have all these other things that I have to do. so sometimes it's obligations, sometimes it's, I just, it's not fun. So you end up watching Netflix. Excuse me. You end up playing guitar, you end up listening to music.

You end up in a, [00:19:00] place where you're doing everything but the thing, right? And so I. Really what's going on there at a base level, from my experience coaching people, is that the emotions of distraction, meaning it feels better to watch Netflix than it is to do the thing that's going to help you move forward.

Um, it's something I've struggled with a lot in my life. It's something that I've, again, I've had clients that have really struggled with this, but, And, and again, like there was a gentleman who I coached two years ago with the strategy session, and, he was looking for a new job, but every time, every day he really spent maybe five minutes on it.

He was tending his garden, he was taking care of the kids. He was, doing errands, doing all these different types of things. And [00:20:00] for him, what really needed the change. , putting time on the calendar. He's like, I have three hours each day, one hour in the morning, one hour after lunch, one hour before dinner where I'm going to be reaching out, working on my resume, signing it out, replying back, going through the process.

Um, and, and marking those times on his calendar is what really shifted things for him. So, asking him the question like, how can we make sure that you're doing. at least one hour of work on this. He's like, well, I'll put it on my calendar. It'll get done. I'm like, oh, is it on your calendar now?

He's like, no. Like, okay, put it on your calendar now. Then the pushy part of high performance coaching is how can you, double down. I'm making that more effective. And he's like, well, I could probably do. an hour before lunch, an hour before dinner, I'm like, okay, put that on the calendar.

You have three hours every day where you are [00:21:00] putting resumes out there. And within a month he had a couple of different job, applications, or not applications, job offers, that's the word. So all it took was some dedicated time where he made sure that the kids weren't gonna bug him. Where he is not trying to plan.

you know, errands where he is not going to have to cook or whatever he was doing right? All the things that were pulling him from the one thing that he needed to do, which was apply to jobs, to get a job, to provide for the family, and not gardening and all that was to just sit down and do it without distraction and making it clear on his calendar when that was gonna happen.

So, the fifth way to deal with procrastination. Or what causes procrastination and how to deal with it is lack of support, right? Sometimes we put off doing things, big life things, talking about [00:22:00] the big things we want to do and, and get it out in life because we don't think our spouse is gonna support us.

We don't think our peers are going to cheer us on. They're gonna make fun of us. We're gonna look silly or, it's scary. And what if you fail and you don't have a safety net? And, and on and on and on and on. And this is why it's so important to find your community, find the people that are cheering you on, finding the people that are that positive influence and maybe have led the way before or have a different perspective from you.

So, When you have those times when you stumble that they're there to help you problem solve. It, it's not to be like, oh, and especially in coaching, it's not like, oh, that stinks so bad that your wife or your husband doesn't think you should switch jobs because you're miserable. You know? that's not coaching.

Coaching is like, okay, like, what are you gonna do about [00:23:00] it? , essentially it's like, okay, this makes you m. you're not gonna maybe get some buy-in with your spouse, but what are you gonna gain from making the change? Okay. How are you talking about that with your family? That that's role play?

How, how would you talk about that with your family? And then you do the, the role play and for me, you're talking about. . that time when I left my corporate gig and it took me 18 months, that time in about a year when I went to that seminar, got around a new mentor, got around people that had left jobs, that had started businesses that were really making a difference.

In their life helped one inspire me, right? Like, oh, other people have done this. I can do it. and these people are way smarter than, than I am, but, there's also people that weren't as smart as I was, so I took a note of that and I'm, I'm kidding, right? But [00:24:00] there were people that seemed like they were everyday folks that were like me, that had accomplished.

And so that was inspiring, right? In that particular case of leaving your corporate gig that was comfortable starting and go striking out on your own, which is a little scary, but really exciting too. So, so they led the way when I had doubts or, had questions like, how did you plan to leave your job?

You know, there's so many different pieces of advice. but the big one that came out from that community of being in that seminar and talking to other folks was, when is your do or die date? , when's the deadline when you're gonna either have all the information that you have and you're gonna go, I'm leaving, or you're gonna have all the information you're ever gonna get and you're gonna.

no, this isn't for right for me. And he was like, pick that date, stick to that date, and work backwards from that date. And like I told you in that [00:25:00] story earlier, and so that's what ended up happening and it worked, and that trick of setting a, a solid deadline, I kept pushing and procrastinating and delaying when I was going to make the decision to leave or not.

Helped me get a sense of, of clarity. Helped me. from getting distracted helped me from all the, from letting the fear overcome and, and pushing it out a way outta fear, or because I was tired and not taking care of myself. It's like, okay, I know that I need, if I'm going to do this, I'm gonna need this much money in the bank.

I'm gonna need this to be happening and, and this to not be happening and all that stuff. And so it just became a, do I have all these conditions met? Yes or no? And, and that was the power of that support in that community. When I was freaking out after I left my job, I was like, what have I done? It was people from that seminar that are like, Hey, this is normal.

Like, you're gonna [00:26:00] freak out. You're gonna not freak out. If you're going to be engaged in high performance, it's gonna be how are you managing that stress so you're not stuck for a whole. Hold up in your bed in the fetal position crying, right? So, how can you handle that in a way where you're not getting sucked into that negative emotion so you can do the work that you need to do that'll make you successful?

And so again, those are five different ways that people procrastinate and what to do about 'em again, get clear. What you want, who you are, what you're doing. manage your energy effectively, have courage and take both actions towards the things that you, really want, the transformations that you want, plan and get really clear on your productive or productive times.

and eliminate distractions, and then have the community and support from [00:27:00] peers that'll cheer you on. And, and so these are the five areas of high performance, right? So when we do that strategy call that I referenced, a little bit ago, that's what we'll talk about on the call. When you go through that application, you're gonna grade yourself, rate yourself on your clarity, energy, courage, productivity, and influence.

And that's gonna guide that conversation. That we'll have on YouTube or privately, depending on how you choose your adventure. So, make sure to watch the next video in the series. I'm gonna go over a couple of more common topics and why people get coaching, just to kinda highlight some former clients, some ideas, show you how this high performance process works again, cuz all those points on what prevents people from taking action.

And getting into procrastinating is that they're not doing these five things in high performance. so check that out below and I hope to see you in the next video. Guys. Take care.[00:28:00]