S4E6 - Celebration, Appriciation, and Love with Sherry Richer Belul
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Shawn Buttner: [00:00:00] Do you have a belief about appreciation, celebration, and love that other people don't or maybe other people get wrong? Ooh,
Sherry Belul: love that . Well, a great question. Yeah. Well, first of all I, I sort of hinted at this, but I'm gonna say it explicitly, celebration is not for holidays only or milestone occasions or when we've accomplished something.
Let me say that again. You know, celebration is not only for these big occasions or when we think we've accomplished something that deserves it. Celebration, I believe is, is our birthright as many moments of every day as we can possibly be present to it. And that means like catching it when it happens or creating it.
We're a part of life, right? So life is always creating celebration. And I think that's like one of my main if I could shop from the rooftop, , that's a big one. Okay.[00:01:00]
Shawn Buttner: Hey everyone. Welcome to the Meaningful Revolution Podcast, where we help you live more into a life that you've designed, so that you can feel confident, joyful, and, and have a larger impact in your world. Today I am really excited for our guest. She is the founder of Simply Celebrate and helps people find creative, intentional, and impactful ways to celebrate life and express their love for their family and friends.
She's a fellow certified high performance coach and supports people in living their best lives full of joy, success, engagement, and meaningful relationships. He's also the author of Say It Now, which. Bring it up here. 33 creative ways to say I love you to the most important people in your life. And the co-founder of The Secret Agents of Change, her work's been featured in New York Times Town and [00:02:00] Country in the Wall Street Journal.
I'd love to introduce you to my good friend, Sherry Reichert. Belu, welcome Sherry sharing.
Sherry Belul: Shawn, it's so wonderful to be here with you. I'm just already gritting just seeing you .
Shawn Buttner: So, yeah, I'm, I'm so just excited that you're here. you all in the social groups that we, mingle in together, I guess that we're, we have in common you're always such a fountain of joy and community.
Um I've often said when people say you need someone in your community to advocate for you, Sherry's often in that, in the communities that I've seen you in. So I just want to first off appreciate you for that because it's such you make a group so much more fun.
Sherry Belul: So, oh, Shawn, thank you.
Thank you. And just a little bit of mutual appreciation so we can start off on that note right now. And thank you. Right? Like, I know that your listeners know this from you from listening, but it's [00:03:00] like you have such a generous heart. You're always bringing joy and, and something else that I always feel around you is just a sense of like warmth and peacefulness and I love that.
So thank you for what you bring.
Shawn Buttner: Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah. So, okay then now that we got the cool appreciation part, that is the topic of today, it's celebration and appreciation. So this is a great way to, to start, just kick off that topic. and I'd love to know if you had a time just cuz we always start with stories tell me a time before you got started in celebration and appreciation and your journey to really embodying this and the energy that we all get to see you in.
Sherry Belul: And Shawn, thank you for starting with that because I typically will try to start with my story because I think it's important for people when they hear that, that the name of my company is simply celebrate and they [00:04:00] know me. Now sometimes people think like, oh, you must just be one of those naturally happy people bounces out of bed and balloons in the closet or whatever.
And the truth of it is, everything in my life right now, Is due to a really intense period of depression. I, for actually for a few years, just really was focused on how to get off this planet and I'm so grateful that I never did anything in that way, but I really, and, and you know, I think you'll, you'll understand this because of our work as coaches, that it's like I, as I was growing up and into, into my early twenties, I just had that, like these voices in the head always telling me I didn't measure up either.
I didn't measure up to what I thought I should be from, from the external world or my own feelings about who I wanted to be in the world. And it was this constant living in what was wrong and what [00:05:00] was missing about me. By some huge grace. I started a practice, which I know we're gonna talk about later on, a little bit more in depth, but I started an appreciation practice of making lists for people of why I love them.
And it, it was something that just kind of came in from wherever these beautiful things are given to us, to Stewart. And, and I found that when I was immersed in, in love, I didn't feel depressed. So there would be these moments, right? And in a similar way, and this is also I think, a really important part of the story.
I was led to a meditation class. And in that meditation class, if anybody's meditated you focus on the breath, right? So in breath and out breath, ah, that's so nice, isn't it? ? Well, and when I was in the depths of all of those suicidal feelings, I, I was in this meditation class and on one of the in breaths, I literally [00:06:00] heard, I don't wanna kill myself right now.
And that was huge because it had felt to me like the depression and anxiety was like an iron wall. You know, closing in, closing in. That's really literally what it felt like. But that one breath and that one moment of, wait a minute, I'm okay in this moment was like a little pin prick of light, you know?
And when we're in the dark, right, that tiny pin, prick of light is everything. And that became and still is to this day, 30 some years later, it's a guiding principle for me to both look for and create pin pricks of light. And that's really where the journey started with literally that, that, that gift of whatever brought me not only the iron wall, but the, the moment of relief and the moment which later turned into moments of celebration of [00:07:00] love, of appreciation.
Shawn Buttner: Wow. Well, thank you for sharing that. I had no idea, um about it. so yeah, it's such a making me think of some other folks that I, I talked with before talking about being light in your community in really, really dark times. And so
I'm trying to think like how to, there's like a thread here with folks that there is light out there and it is something worth pursuing. So, okay. So you had this big breakthrough, of the love list of this meditation of, of kind of piercing through the, this iron wall. Yeah. and so. What happens [00:08:00] next?
Like, I'm curious .
Sherry Belul: Well, yeah, like again those of us who, who are lucky enough to be like understand growth mindset, like, which I did not at that time. However, I feel like what was gifted to me was growth mindset in that, in that idea of, okay, if I had one little moment of being okay and, and wanting to stay on this planet, surely I can find others, right?
Like that became part of my, my journey. And I, at first I was just looking around for myself. Like, I would just look around like, okay, can I find a pin prick of light? You know, I, oh, holding my cat and she purs, or , you know's, hearing a friend's voice on the phone the, the sun it's a sunset.
For instance, I would, I'd be like, okay prick of light, prick of light. And after practicing that for a long time, I, I got it that I could also create them. Right? So I started to think like, [00:09:00] oh, what, what feels like a pim prick of light? How can I create that for myself? And then after more time passed, and this points to what you were just saying about like the darkness is I, at some point, I became solid enough in myself in my own life and my own sense of, of joy that I looked up outta my own world and realized like there are a lot of people in the dark, right?
There are a lot of people mm-hmm. . And it may be the dark like I was, which was a very, felt like a solid few years. But it might also just it might be a momentary, someone's died or they've lost their job, or they're just having a hard day or all the multiple things that that could cause people to, to feel depressed or sad.
And that's, I think for me, like when my work really took off for me, was realizing. Oh when I'm creating a pinprick of light for someone else, I'm the first recipient. It's like a twofer, [00:10:00] right? . It's like, it, it suddenly, it just like multiplied all of that light. And so that I think for me is like, and of course this was years in the making, right?
It was, it was a lot of years of really coming to understand that. But now I've been fortunate enough as I'm heading into 60, to have had like a lot of years of practicing creating light and love and appreciation.
Shawn Buttner: Yeah, that's okay. That it's so cool. to just kind of keep working on it I think the, the consistency of oh, like just the little pin prick.
And before you know it, you have like this. Wall, all these little pins that kind of light the way and, and show others that there's, oh, like this isn't a, a, a very thick wall. It's something that you can poke holes in. [00:11:00] Yeah.
Sherry Belul: So thank you for Yeah. Oh, sorry. Go ahead, Shawn. Oh, no, I was , .
Shawn Buttner: Go for it.
Sherry Belul: Well, I just wanted to thank you for pointing that out because I think in my experience working with a lot of people is that part of what happens is we think that something is never gonna change, right?
That's, we think, first of all, what I was, what I was experiencing as a younger person, which was something's wrong with me, and it's like, I literally thought there was something wrong with me. Like I just thought. I'm not like other people. I don't belong here. I and so it's like both that feeling like we're flawed or that there's just something in our lives that is not gonna change.
I always hope that my story can can show people. Like, no, just, just find one moment and then you'll find another. And after a while, just like you just said, was so beautifully. I love the way you said that after a while, it's no longer even a solid [00:12:00] iron wall, right? Because it's more holes and and light than it is a wall.
Shawn Buttner: Yeah. Awesome. so as you've been on this journey I imagine you've picked up some processes or some, some constant strategies that help you, like, kind of ground you. Maybe when you go a little bit too on the dark. I'm curious, like how do you give yourself. Right? Cause if you're coming from a part, a place where for a while you may, like you, you've said you felt like something was wrong with you or you were maybe different and that that was the problem and not a mindset shift.
How do you move that, that that kind kinda like shit that's floating, right? Like kinda like the Titanic. How do you steer that? You know, I know that it's one pin prick or one little like motion at [00:13:00] a time and being consistent at it, but how do you, like sometimes votes try to self correct to go back to the course that they were on.
Like, how do you fight that? Yeah. How did or did you fight that, I guess?
Sherry Belul: Sorry. Yeah, that is a great question and truthfully the answer is exactly what you just said. For me at least, I, I live my life in moments, literally like ever since 30 some years ago when that experience happened. I do see life in moments.
So if. Let's just say, and I actually had this experience yesterday, like I don't know why, but I just got like really super crabby like it just sort of came over me and you know, I did what I always do, right? I looked around for something to love and you know, sometimes I just walk outside and I'll touch a tree or butterfly will flit across the path.
And I know this sounds kind of cliche, but it's the truth I think, of how [00:14:00] life works. What we focus on expands. It does. So I literally will just look for one moment if I ask myself like, don't be crabby. It would never work, right? That sort of should, that we we put on ourselves. Or if I said I should be happy, I'd never be happy ever.
Right? To me, joy is a practice and it's one moment at a time and it. Does always like lead me to a better feeling place. And from that better feeling place, I'm usually more clear, right? Mm-hmm. like, oh, I'm feeling really crabby. Oh, you know what? I should just allow myself to have an hour and take a walk and not talk to anybody.
you know, like
Shawn Buttner: that , I totally relate with the, the not talk to anybody. I'm a like, admitted introvert, right? So I have a capacity for like doing, doing videos, being out on social things, and then it's, it's, okay, [00:15:00] I need to like, recharge type, type thing. and so I think there's a bunch of ways I could ask questions there, but that might get, go a little off topic.
Um, so I, I'm curious then like, having done a lot of this work and appreciation and, and celebration and, and you know, focusing on. Love when you're down. is there a, a story or time where you being able to kind of get past that for yourself had helped the people around you in, in a particular way?
Sherry Belul: Oh, what a beautiful question.
Yeah. Well, I'm just gonna, the very first thing that comes to my mind is something you'll understand having been there at many, I used to, well before Covid, we had a lot of big events, right? . Yeah. and one of the most profound things that happened for [00:16:00] me for a long time, I, I would volunteer at these big events with hundreds of people, and a lot of that old anxiety would come up that, you know it, this, this was years and years ago.
And while I was still sort of on this path of, of practicing and I, I learned that if I walked into that ballroom where I was serving, And I kept my attention on be love like as a verb be love in action. That what it did was it not only took off that awkward self consciousness that I had going on for me, but that just like your question just asked that I was really able to support other people.
I could suddenly, when I was sort of like in that place of like, I'm going to like action ver beloved, I felt like I had some superpower to be able to like see people like honest to goodness, it sounds [00:17:00] woo woo, but even just how I'm looking at you now, it's like there's just a light around you. Like I can see, I just see the the goodness in in people and it's not me doing that.
I really just think it's presence. I think this is what life is really my belief that life, life is good and life sees the goodness in everybody. And I feel like that when I was present and out of my own head, ego, right? Mm-hmm. , then I was able to really be there with people and I could hear what they were saying.
Right? I wasn't, it wasn't all like clouded by my own insecurities or, or thoughts. And I, to me, I think that's one of the most important things that has come from this work is really being able to truly be present with people.
Shawn Buttner: Oh, that's fascinating. I never really thought, of, so in high performance, we talk a lot about high performance living as being joyful every day, but how that actually.
Like relates to being, [00:18:00] being present. Cuz now I'm thinking like, every time that I'm not present, it's usually like I'm anxious or worried about the bank account or a relationship or my own stuff. And, it's really hard within the absence of joy to be present, I guess.
Sherry Belul: I love that, Shawn. This is the, I think this is part of the nugget of it, right?
And it's why I'm, I am super grateful to my spiritual teacher. I now have a 30 some year meditation practice. And I, I feel like what you're saying is true, that we have to be present in order to really, truly experience what's going on. And, and what's going on is life. And life is joy. It is. Even and I've been looking at this a lot.
I just went through a really big period of grief and I started some. Well, thank you. And you know, you, as you might guess where I'm [00:19:00] headed with this is that I started a grief group where I was talking to other people, grieving. And the truth of it is when we were all present to the feelings that were going on, when we were allowing ourselves to be there with them, we were laughing and smiling.
I mean, not all the time we were also crying, but there's, there's a joy, there is a joy to that because we were connected, we were connected to our authentic feelings, we were connected authentically to one another. And to me, this is part of like I love your revolution in your It is Right. Right.
And to me, like the big revolution that I would love to, to lead is. You know, celebration can happen in any moment. Joy can happen in any moment, even when we're grieving, even when we're crabby, even when we're having a hard time. That I really want people to redefine the way that we see those words.
Like it's a [00:20:00] celebration to be in a group of people where we can authentically express our feelings together, right? Mm-hmm. . Yeah. And, and so I forgot where, I forgot why I went off on that whole thing, but ,
Shawn Buttner: the, the celebration Revolution, right?
Sherry Belul: Celebration. Revolution. Oh, presence. Because you, so I was right.
Cause you so beautifully. And I, I think I'm so glad that you picked up on that, Shawn, and you were present to, to catch that. Because to me that is what underlies everything. I think we can't, well, I shouldn't say we can't. I think we love people much better. When we're present, because we hear, we hear them, we see them we really get who they are and, and what's important to them.
And then hopefully we, we give that back to them.
Shawn Buttner: Yeah, a hundred percent. Like I, I, I love [00:21:00] all of that , so I can't approve on it, so I'm not gonna try. so so I, I think, so here's an maybe an interesting way to take the, this discussion. So when we think about celebration and, and appreciation and love, do you have a belief about appreciation, celebration, and love that other people don't or maybe other people get wrong?
Sherry Belul: Ooh, love that. What a great question. Yeah. Well first of all I, I sort of hinted at this, but I'm gonna say it explicitly, celebration is not for holidays only or milestone occasions or when we've accomplished something. Let me say that again. You know, celebration is not only for these big occasions or when we think we've accomplished something that deserves it.[00:22:00]
Celebration, I believe is, is our birthright as many moments of every day as we can possibly be present to it. And that means like catching it when it happens or creating it. We're a part of life, right? So life is always creating celebration. And I think that's like one of my main if I could shop from the rooftop, that's a big one.
Okay. The other thing is and you know this from my book, it's like I really honestly believe that. We've gotta turn our attention from this idea of like gift giving as material things. There are a thousand ways to give people gifts, and one tiny little percentage of that is material items. I really feel like what people want is what you and I have been talking about.
I people wanna be seen, they wanna be heard, they wanna be understood. They wanna know that you're there with them loving them no matter what. [00:23:00] And so this ties in with the celebration piece because yeah, we wanna celebrate people like you get your coaching certificate, we wanna celebrate you, but we wanna celebrate you when you're like halfway through a goal.
And we wanna celebrate you when you don't even have a goal and you don't know what you're doing with your life , but you're a hundred percent lovable. And we're gonna find ways to make sure that reflecting back and celebrating you simply for who you are, not for what you do. So those are, they're tied together, but a couple different things that like, wow, I, I'd like people to get this.
Shawn Buttner: Yeah. I, I think that's so powerful. Uh I'm thinking back to, um part of the work I've done with my wife, it's been like the love languages, right? Yeah. And I think, I think you mentioned the love languages in your book. I haven't, so I just got it today. So for the folks at home yeah, I'm not like the worst host.
It, it's [00:24:00] make a little joke at my, my own expense. but you know, the idea that there's different ways to, to connect with people and like part of you were talking about the celebration revolution. I think the meaningful revolution in a lot of ways is doing what we find fulfilling. And I think fulfillment is when we were doing.
Yeah, it love is a big part of meaning in people's lives and, and expressing it and doing the things that we love, but we're also not the things that we do. So, um I, I think if I'm a, a teacher, right, it's not the way that English works that I kind of nerd out about this on language is like, I'm a teacher, means that I was a teacher before, right now that I'm a teacher right now and I'm a teacher going into the future.
And so if you stop becoming a teacher and your identity is so tied into that profession that [00:25:00] that comes into a lot of, that causes a lot of stress and coming outta the moment, I think I'm tying like three different ideas together in my head. But ,
Sherry Belul: it's perfect. Shawn, it's perfect. And if you don't mind, can I just jump in on that?
Cuz I love, I love where you're going with this and I've been in a lot of conversations recently. And I think it's because as I'm I'm hoping to live another 40 years or more, but, but as I'm heading into a different stage of life, I, I've been talking to people a lot about, like, there's a, there's a great beautiful quote by Ron Doss that he, after he had his stroke, and he, he talks about this idea of like his identity he was a helper, he was someone who did for others all the time.
And it really propelled him into this new, beautiful place in his life of I'm worthy because I'm here and who I am, not as you just said. Right? It's [00:26:00] not about what we do, although they often get tied, especially in the culture. I live in the United States, and I think there's a big tie in here. First question people usually ask, what do you.
Right. I try to ask people like, what do you love? What's what's juicy in your life? Because it's like, what do you do? It just, it just perpetuates this idea that, that that doing is what's worthy and going back, right? It's like, ah, that's what we celebrate. And then what happens when people retire?
That's why there's so much depression in older people if they don't have something else that they, they are excited about or passionate about, because they're so used to that identity, just like you said.
Shawn Buttner: Yeah. It, it always, uh a lot of at in my coaching practice the last couple years, it's been a lot of people that lost their jobs and are like, I [00:27:00] wake up every day and I'm crying.
I did 17 years at this company and that hit a . I don't think we talk about that, that hit, that happens to folks enough. and it's something that, that one, you could be really appreciative of that experience and what it's taught you, but I don't know. I, I had this thought for a while that focusing on the journey is, is more worthy a lot of times than the end goal or the results that you're getting.
Um, so yes. Yeah.
Sherry Belul: Yes, a hundred times. I just thought, , where's the like button, Shawn? I wanna . But yeah, and again, like we all know, like that's a little bit of a cliche. We've all heard stop and smell the roses. It's the journey, not the destination, it's the hike up the mountain. But the reason those [00:28:00] are cliches is because it's really true.
It's really, really true. You know, my son grew up with that. I would always say it's a cliche because it's true, like, because it happens, but. But I think the thing is, is I'm hoping anyone listening to this will pause, even hit the pause button and really just think like, do I live that way? Right? Like, I hear this, I know that I've heard it a million times as our own mentor, Brendan Burchard often said, common sense has not com often come in practice.
How much am I really practicing? And for me, this is a question every day what am I celebrating today? Mm-hmm. , what am you know, who am I appreciating and am I, am I appreciating them for who they are? You know? And I really want people to think about that. Like I invite people all the time. Is it just the tiniest of things to do?
But if you're by yourself or you're having dinner with friends or family tonight, raise a glass. Raise a glass, [00:29:00] and acknowledge and celebrate like you don't have to. People do it on birthdays or at weddings or whatever. Mm-hmm. . Every night raise a glass and train yourself. Right. It's a, it's a practice.
You know, what can I celebrate today, you know? Mm-hmm. , oh, I'm looking around. I have this healthy 22 year old son to your health. I'm so grateful. What a celebration like that.
Shawn Buttner: Yeah.
Yeah. , I just wanna hold that space. yeah. You know, out of the millions of things that we could celebrate. Right. You know, one of my favorite things to do when I'm just to kind of share this when I'm feeling kind of like bummed about the world, I think, um I came from a technology background, so I was a software engineer and super into technology, and you have [00:30:00] this box in your pocket that talks to satellites and space that then like, Locates you on the planet and gives you information like the wealth of, of human knowledge and, and you know, that sense of wonderment of like, we can't think of a time that that didn't happen.
It's not that long ago. And what a, a marvel of just how life happens. . If there's one thing you could be amazed about, it's that this thing finds you on the planet.
Sherry Belul: I love that Shawn. Right. And my version of that, I have an outdoor studio, so I always have to walk in between the a get-to walk between the house and the studio.
And I'm Marvel, I don't even have to do anything and my legs move. Like I'm suddenly transported. It's crazy. It, and, and you know, if we really start to think about it, and I know [00:31:00] not everybody has that gift of being able to walk, but many of us have the gift of being able to see or to hear mm-hmm. or to feel emotion.
Like when we pause to think about these things that are just like huge gifts of being a human being in this miracle of a body, you know? Or the water comes out of the faucet. , I, I mean, I spent time in Africa where that did not happen. You did not have clean water. You did not have a faucet. Right. And it's like that.
I just So cavalierly go into the house and turn on the faucet.
Shawn Buttner: Yep. Yeah. , I love, yeah. All the things we take for granted in life at some fundamental thing is a marvel of ingenuity, of creativity of. Making everyone's life easier, you know? So I, I love that. So I, I'm curious now so [00:32:00] a, a lot of people in personal development have, like the gratitude journal or gratitude practice is yours.
Just having these moments where you're going throughout your day and recognizing like, oh, this is something that is awesome and something to be, celebrate. This person's somebody to be celebrated. I follow you on social media. I sometimes see you interview like, I think they're random folks.
Maybe they're your friends, but it, it's always such a joy to see these, like a barista talk about their day or, or whatever. so it. Is that a practice you have or do you do like the traditional journal also? Is it a combination of things like ,
Sherry Belul: what's going on? I love that. I love that question. Especially because I I have a draft of a book about gratitude that, oh, I don't have a title yet, but it's something like I, this is something to the effect of like, I really hate those, list three things you feel grateful for.
You know, [00:33:00] to me I'm like, we're way beyond that. This is like the 21st century, and I, I have dozens and dozens of gratitude practices that I feel like our, they're, they're beyond that. Like we've evolved beyond, like just sort of like, what are you grateful for? So like, I'll just give you an example. one of them is something that I call reapp appreciation.
Okay. I will walk around my house at any given moment and there's maybe I've got a card on the refrigerator that my mom sent me, and. I'll write to my mom, oh my gosh, I just read that card again. I love you so much. That card just made my day reading it again, made my day. You know, people have all sorts of things in their homes that were gifts and I think many of us were taught to write a thank you note when you get a gift, which is great.
I love that. I'm all for that. But we can re-appreciate it over and over again and let that person know some of my friends have gotten thank yous for the same thing, [00:34:00] a dozen times. and that, that's one example. And, the other thing that I love to look at, and it's great that my son just was doing this yesterday, which is what can we be grateful for when we're having a hard time or we're disappointed by something, you know?
And I think that forces us to look to a different place in us. it might be, I, I remember once, a long, long time ago, I, I felt this great envy. Toward one of my friends, she had something that I really wanted and I didn't like that feeling of envy cuz it felt, it just didn't feel good. And instead I looked at like, oh wow, I, I see that her having this thing is, is showing me that it's possible to have, is possible to get this.
And I, I'm seeing my passion for it and that's a really good thing and [00:35:00] being able to do it. My son also was doing this yesterday, like he was really disappointed in something, but he said he said, I called this positive grateful disappointment because I've saw it. I saw that I was disappointed and I saw that I could have gone down a really hard path of feeling bad, but because I saw it, I decided not to feel bad.
And so it was a good thing. So, wow. There's these, like, I think a lot of like, Places in our lives that we may not be looking for gratitude, but it's there. And so I'm really excited because it's like, I'm glad you asked that question cuz it's like, it's really been fun for me to really think about what are some of the ways that I practice gratitude that maybe aren't as conventional.
And I didn't mean to disparage, like, making lists. I think, I think I always wanna say that I kinda make fun a little bit because I know for a lot of people that's not actually a hard practice. It's hard just to think of [00:36:00] things, which is why, like when I talk about pi picks of light, it's a little bit easier to say, like, walk outside and make a list of 10 things that made you feel a little bit good inside.
Right? It didn't because you're, you're looking for, you're looking for something in the moment that has impacted you. And to me that, that's always a really good road to, to gratitude as is the loveless, which as you know I have to say, cuz I really wanna talk about it when we .
Shawn Buttner: Yeah, we, we'll get to it in, in a second.
Um, I wanted to point out the, and maybe talk about this real quick. and we'll definitely get to the love list. Like, cuz Yeah. We cannot not get to the . I think that the double negative. Yeah. We will get to it. so I'm curious, do you think a lot of finding that appreciation, that celebration, that that gratefulness is really a [00:37:00] practice of reframing things as they come up in your life?
Cause I noticed like, oh I feel envy. It's actually reframe a exciting passion that I didn't know I had yet and now I know that it's possible. Or like your son said, it's a, what was it? The, the momentary pos, like positive
Sherry Belul: disappointment or? Yeah.
Shawn Buttner: Yeah. Yeah. Or like, um sometimes fears actually just excitement to get started if you're like starting a race or, or, or whatnot.
Do you think that part of your superpower or the way that you think of things is that, that kind of like a keto shifting of energy into positivity?
Sherry Belul: I love that, Shawn. I think that that's half of it. I do, I do think, I think you're really onto something and I do think half of it is, it is an a keto move that, that we can all do.
It's not my superpower by any [00:38:00] means. I think it's there for all of us if we pause and I think , the pause is actually the other half of it. I think it's being willing to pause, just like we were saying, like when you, I don't have my phone nearby or I'd pick it up, but when you talked about the phone mm-hmm.
it's a pause. And we're not, we're not just going on and on to the next thing, but we're pausing enough to really like wake up to what is really here in front of us, first and foremost, the people around us, right? Like that to me is like, if there's only one thing we're gonna wake up to, wake up to the magic of the people that you love.
I mean, it's, we all know this, right? Like, again, it's like, we all know this, but are we really practicing it? How many times throughout the week are we like pausing to really like, hold someone close that we love and really be there with [00:39:00] them? Not just that, that oh, they're going out the door and we peck 'em on the cheek or whatever.
But really and so I think it's, it's, again, it was some grace that led me to meditation and mindfulness, but I think that those, those are the first keys. To gratitude it's like we've got to stop as a culture. We've, we've got to slow down and just like, right. You know, this, it's like, what's over there?
What's over there? What's over there? What's over there? No, what's right here? You know, like right now I'm with my friend this this's, this is crazy magical that we're, that we know each other, we somehow met you started a podcast. We're talking together. I can see you.
Shawn Buttner: Yeah. It, it's wild. , all of the little decisions, all of the, like before we met, there's a bajillion [00:40:00] decisions from our parents all the way to that moment.
And probably a ballroom in Santa Clara, I would guess for that all to happen. all the, yeah, the things that allow this interview to take. It happened. Somebody had a camera, like somebody had to like, figure out how to do video on stream. Like, you know.
Sherry Belul: I know. And then like, let's add to that, like neither of us woke up sick.
We both got outta bed. We were both able to like think, like, I love, to me, sometimes I just think about that. Like, I'm super grateful that it's like ideas come to us, you're asking me questions. I don't it's not like I've got answers written anywhere. How does that happen? Like, how does the creativity or the mind and that, that you understand when I say things, like ,
Shawn Buttner: take that for granted.
Yeah. ,
Sherry Belul: [00:41:00] all of it. It's, it's really fun, isn't it? Like, I mean, when we, when we really stop and people may think like, oh, that's silly, but it's not. . It's not. And I think if any of us have ever, which you know, I have, I mean, if you talk to people who are in their eighties, nineties and beyond people who are on their way to transition to some other place, they see all that I think so much more clearly.
Right. They see the magic of it because cuz we realize at some point in our lives it's fleeting. You know? It's fleeting. If I don't see it now, if I don't appreciate it now, if I don't feel it now, then it's gone.
Shawn Buttner: Yeah. Yeah. It, it's, things happen so quickly in life, you know? and. Yeah. So I love, I love that idea of the pause of the, the breath of the, [00:42:00] slow it down and understand , kind of how everything's connected.
It's almost spiritual in a, in a weird way, you know? I, I'm like thinking of, of times where maybe life forces you to be quiet. I, I think the pandemic was a huge moment. I like to call it the great reflection because so many people were doing, doing, doing, doing, doing. And then the whole world just is like, whoa, let's slow down.
Um, and however people feel about that. cuz there's a lot of feelings around it. I think we could all agree that things changed, things slowed down. And so many people are like, what am I doing? Like, yeah,
Sherry Belul: Shawn, right? And, and the other piece of that, that we all, I, I think I could say most people, not, maybe not, but most people also felt was.
oh my gosh. Those Sunday dinners with my aunt. Mm-hmm. , how beautiful are those? Or flying across the country to be with my [00:43:00] mother. Like, we suddenly were really shown like, Hey, when we don't have these, how important are these rituals and connections and moments with people we love? And you know, we could go on and on and on with those because Right.
We saw graduations and any of those like times we get to share with people that you're right. Like it was a sadly, and, and I know a hard time, lots of grief over that, but, but it also did point out to us your relationships are everything. Mm-hmm. . Yeah.
Shawn Buttner: Absolutely. So I think that would be a great shift to.
You know, we have those people around us that we love. Um how do we show that appreciation? Maybe this is the, the edge to get to the, the love list. So the way [00:44:00] in.
Sherry Belul: I love that. Right, right, right. So obviously, right. I wrote a whole book about how to appreciate people in the creative ways, because I do feel like, first of all, it's the fastest way to change our own lives and I like to say that to people because it's important.
I was incredibly depressed when I started some of these practices, and I truly believe that's part of what saved me. So I just think that it's an important aspect because it's like we're, we're never offering love and appreciation to someone else without feeling it. Right. An amazing thing that happens.
And so I, I guess to go back, you, when you were asking about gratitude practices, I was chomping at the bit to talk about the level. Cause it is the loveless to me, the power of it is, it's both a meditation and a gratitude practice and a [00:45:00] gift. So it's like these three in one that people really, it's like super effective, right?
You've got, you've got this meditative quality of why do I love them? Why do I love them? Why do I love them? What is it? What is it like? You're just, you're just focused on love, love, love. And then I should say, so basically the loveless, which I haven't even said, it's just a specific reasons. We love someone.
You know, Shawn, oh my gosh. I love the way that you always greet everybody with such warm I love that. I have never been with you and you haven't like, Given a big hug and a smile. Right? I love the way that your face just lights up when you're talking about this podcast and how much it means to you, right?
Like, just whatever. You know, I love that moment. We shared at this event when we were just supposed laughing whatever it is, just, they're just like moments and moments and attributes of the person you could throw in things that they've accomplished too. Of course, [00:46:00] celebrate that too.
But the thing is that happens is it's just like we're, we're just immersed. And the more that we look, the more that we find, right? And I've had, I've done these, like, I do group workshops where we do them in groups. I do them one-on-one and live with people. Sometimes I just do them in a, in other ways, like on the phone or whatever.
But always, always, people are just amazed. Oh, I forgot. Oh, I forgot. Oh, I forgot, you know? And. And then of course there's that other side of it. The reason the book is called Say It Now, is we've all been to funerals and memorials and people say these beautiful stories, they show the photos, they talk about the person and how they meant how much they impacted their lives.
And it's beautiful. I love that. I would never take that away, ever, but I would add, say it now, say it now. When they can hear your head, don't wait. You know, it's beautiful [00:47:00] to do after someone has passed, but you know, say it now and then more things will come and say those now and then say the next things.
Right. And it's like, to me again, I just wanna say, It's like, it's so healing for us to do this practice for ourselves, even if we never gave it to anybody. I've had relationships and again, that's kind of woo woo, but you and I are in California, so we can do this . I have had, I have done them sometimes for the hardest people.
I mean, I had a father that abandoned us, and it was barely in my life. Making a loveless for him was one of the most powerful things I ever did. And it changes, right? It changes the relationship before you even, and I did send it to him, but it changes something in the energy of, of who we are with people.
And in the giving of it, what it does is it, you know how Brendan, I love this. Brendan will say, be the one to elevate relationships in your life. Mm. [00:48:00] I love that expression. And it's like, there's also, to me it's simultaneously deepening. We're elevating them and we're deepening them at the same time, . So the act of being so vulnerable to give somebody a list like this instantly is changing the nature of the relationship.
You're saying, I'm willing to be here with you in this like really intimate way. I'm really to be here with you and to let you know why you matter to me. And we need that. We really need that.
Shawn Buttner: We do. And, and something I'm hearing, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this cuz I think maybe you found this in your work with, in, in, in saying it now and, and sharing this love list with folks that a lot of people.
Automatically, and I think maybe it's something to do with human nature, but we'll create a list of everything you've done wrong to me, . [00:49:00] And so every grievance of like, oh, you didn't put the dishes away the way that I liked it. Or you put the toilet paper on the, like I'm talking about a previous relationship that was really traumatic to me.
But all the thing, like all you would hear or all you hear are the things that you do wrong, the things that you don't measure up, the things that are broken or wrong. And I love this idea, and it's such an elegant idea of taking this account of the good, of what's going right, what, what's really special about this person.
To combat that, that I think natural inclination we have to do this other type of list. So it's so that's so amazing ,
Sherry Belul: and you're so right Shawn, I really wanna appreciate you for bringing that up because it's true. And I think oftentimes [00:50:00] many of us maybe we're ashamed to admit that, but I think you're right that it is part of that reptil, reptilian part of the brain, right?
So it is an intentional way to combat that. Just like you said, I've worked with, I've worked with people, gosh, so excited. parents of teenagers, right? Who are just in those places of just like, really a lot of times hatred of each other. You know, my teenager hates me and I hate her back. of course it's not it's not really that way, but that's what it feels like.
Mm-hmm. and going through the process of making a love list for that teenager. Oh my gosh. Like the tears and the release and the, the self love that comes up from that, because it's also, it's really hard to see ourselves as someone who's so judgmental, even though we all are. But what it does is it also it helps us see [00:51:00] that we are loving, we're, we're, we're worthy.
And this is about, this is about a relationship that we're contributing to the goodness of it. So I I I love that you brought that up.
Shawn Buttner: Thanks. Yeah. I, maybe another observation is, is that we can't give the love, we don't, we haven't generated for ourselves. You know, like, I, I think that's another kinda weird rule of emotions, at least I found in my life to be true, that when I can see myself as not the like, Shy, socially awkward guy, I can actually go and talk to people.
You know, it's like, oh I'm, I give myself that grace that like, yeah, maybe I feel that, but that's not how other people see me. And it's actually would be cool to comment someone on a really cool hat, you know? and you ha and for the people that are listening to this, Sherry has some of the [00:52:00] coolest vintage hats, right?
I think they're vintage. Well, yeah. They're always so super cool and like well I was talking to my wife about the podcast today and she's like, you think Sherry's gonna have one of her cool hats? And they're like, yeah, I definitely do. So
Sherry Belul: Well, and Shawn, Shawn, thank you for the hat compliment. I love that.
Um, by the way, just, I'm just gonna say this cuz it is an important part of the story. I started wearing hats when I chose to stay. Right. So for me, just so people know that when I put the hat on in the morning, it's my way of saying, this is a celebration this day. Right? I could very well have not been here.
And, and I am, and I also want it to be for other people to be that same feeling. I want people to feel a celebration, you know? So what was I gonna say? [00:53:00] Oh, but I wanted to speak to what you were saying, which was, I think it works both ways. Sometimes I, I do do something that I call a loveless selfie, which is where I invite people in the same way to, to make lists of specific things they love about themselves.
And I find that sometimes it's easier for people to practice love on someone else first. Especially like a dog , I think a dog. The dog might be the very easiest way to make a loveless, right? Everybody like, but to practice on someone you really love a lot can open the door to, most people may not see it this way, but a lot of it's projection, right?
Mm-hmm. what we see in other people. And so I'll invite people to make it for someone else and then to make one for themselves. Keeping in mind that projection is a thing, you know? Mm-hmm. and that the things we love about others are often in us. but I think you're also right. But also if we are withholding from [00:54:00] ourselves, if we're withholding joy and love then it can be harder to give to other people.
It, I think I've seen it work both ways.
Shawn Buttner: Okay. Awesome. Awesome. so I guess that, so there's this love list. It, it's Let me backtrack. Brain's going quicker than the mouth sometimes. So if you were someone that was new to this concept of the love list, do you have like two or three habits or practices or ways to just get started in?
Is it just creating a love list for some that they really love? Is it 50 people? What's kinda a, how do we get started in
Sherry Belul: this? Great, great question and I, I like to keep it simple cuz you know, I live in moments and, and one, like one love list for the person. Maybe that, it's interesting when I do workshops, I'm just gonna say this, often people choose to make it for their spouse and they [00:55:00] will say, I usually leave my spouse last because they're the person that's right here in my life the most.
But it could just be like to think of somebody who. Particularly needs some love is a great place to start. If you look around, if you know someone who's grieving a loss or divorce or they've had something really hard happen, that's, people often have a hard time knowing like what to say or what to do.
So just start with those things. Start with someone you really love or someone who really needs love. One love list and challenge yourself to 10 things, right? So I'm gonna think of 10 things, and in order to come up with those things, I, if you have photos of the person, that's a really great way.
Sometimes when we see a photo it sparks I'll often, when I do workshop hot, that's the first thing I ask people is just like, when you see this person, what do you love? Like, what is it? What is it that you just love? You know? And usually there'll be one or two in [00:56:00] there. You can also think of times that they've been there for you.
It's a beautiful thing to put on a love list. You know, I love that. When I was going through that really hard time, you brought me that rhubarb pie and you sat and talked to me and held my hand like that. You know I invite people to, to just keep a piece of paper out and invite this is, again, it's one of those things that when we invite the, the ideas to come to us, they usually do, maybe not all at once, but put out a piece of paper.
One of the ways that I, that I encourage people, if, if you want to present the love list, is also one of the ways to make it, which is to get a jar. Put some, I love fairy lights. You know those little shiny lights? Yeah. You don't have to, but I like to put the fairy lights in and have a bunch of little pieces of paper, and then over the course of a week or a month, whenever you interact with that person, challenge yourself to [00:57:00] remember something and write it on that slip of paper and put it in the jar and.
It's a perfect idea if it's somebody who celebrates the winter holidays because we still have a good month and more by the time it comes for the time that it's, it's whatever you celebrate for the winter time, that you've got a jar full of beautiful things that has little fun little lights in it.
It's a ready made gift for someone and it takes off the pressure of having to, to do it. I also offer on my website, I've got prompts you'll probably see when you, when you open the book, there's a ton of prompts in the book because it can be really helpful to have prompts. So I try to give people tons of prompts.
Awesome. Yeah.
Shawn Buttner: Yeah. I'm so excited to work through the, this book. I thumb through it and I, I'll, I think I told you before the show and I'll share it with the audience. Spoiler alert, all the chapters are titled, I Love You. And I actually absolutely [00:58:00] love that idea. Like it's still that I saw that it brought me a lot of joy.
Um, just cause I thought that's such a cool idea to have 33 chapters of I Love You . It's a good reminder. Everyone should have a book that has 33 chapters of I Love You in It. I, I might will stand by that
So if someone well we already asked that question. I'm trying to think, is there anything, when you talk about celebration, appreciation, maybe other shows or on social media and stuff that you usually don't share that maybe you could share with the audience today?
Sherry Belul: Oh, oh, I love that. That's a great one.
Let me think. , I love your question, Shawn. Something I don't usually share. Well, you know what I don't usually do, and this is funny, but [00:59:00] something in you has brought this out. Like, I almost wanna beg people it's funny, it's like I'm always offering like encouraging and, but there's a part of me and I could feel like I almost could just cry right now.
Like, like I wanna beg people to try this because what is at stake is so important. And I was just telling you the quickest of stories because it's dropping in right now. And I think it relates to this, that someone once heard this idea of the love list and she, her husband was turning 53, not a big year, not a milestone year.
She got her kids to make loveless and she made 'em a love list and she said he cried. Like it was so touched, it was so beautiful. She wrote me the story after she did it and I was like, oh, so beautiful. A month later she wrote me again. Her husband had died of a heart attack like that. Wow. 53 years old.
Just unexpected. Totally out of the blue. [01:00:00] They'd made him those loveless for his last birthday. Not knowing of course, right? Like there's no way. We just don't know. And I guess it's like, it's why, like, I wanna say to pe, I know the book is called Say It Now, but it's like, it's like I really wanna beg people not to just like go, oh yeah, that's a good idea.
Mm-hmm. , yeah, that sounds good. But, but to really practice it and to watch what happens. Watch what happens for you, watch what happens for the person that you give it to watch what happens if they don't respond. Even that like, and maybe this is an important piece to add in too. It's really hard for people to receive love sometimes as you really aptly pointed out earlier, sometimes it's hard to love ourselves and sometimes it's hard to receive love.
But to tell to trust that when we're doing something like this, we're shifting, we're shifting a lot of things. It's like the, those, whatever, the plate, what are those plates called? That [01:01:00] make earthquakes? The tanic. Tanic, yeah. Yes. Yeah. Like, it's like that's happening. And to trust that that it was, it was the right, perfect, most beautiful, loving thing to do, even if their face, you're just like, oh, they didn't respond, you know?
Mm-hmm. . So all of that, just to know that it's so important. It's so important.
Shawn Buttner: It's the most important, like having someone, so I lost my mom years ago the complications of heart surgery, and one of my most thankful moments is being able to interview her while she was in the hospital a couple months before she passed, you know?
And so it, it is such a powerful thing to say, I love you to find out. Like in that particular, like, she had worries. Like it struck me, she's like, was I a good mom? And [01:02:00] I'm like, how could you not see that? And you feel a little guilty, like, did I not tell you enough? You know, what happened there to but to be able to then correct it before things got really bad.
Like it, you are right. It is such an important thing. We only have moments and like the story you shared, you don't know if it's the last birthday or meteors could strike, dinosaurs could come back and attack everyone. We don't know what's going. Life is crazy folks, and so we need to be prepared. So it's definitely worth saying that.
So Sherry, thank you so much for your heart for sharing. Thank you for being here. I know you shared very deeply that that might not have been a chance and what a shame that would've been. So I just wanna say from the bottom of my heart, I love the work you're doing. Get her book. Definitely say it now [01:03:00] to the people around you.
Do your love list. You know, pick start with one person, but do a hundred million as many, as many as you possibly can. Like, I'm, I'm excited about this. so thank you for being on the show. if the folks want to pick up your book or follow up with you, maybe attend one of your workshops, when's the best way to, connect with you?
Sherry Belul: Thank you. So I am simply celebrate on most social media that you might be on. The book is at Amazon. My website is simply celebrate.net. And so I hope to see people. Yeah, and I do have some, some workshops coming up as we approach the holidays where I'm gonna do free workshops, walking people through doing the love list.
So I hope to, to hear from.
Shawn Buttner: Excellent. Excellent. Yeah, I hope, hope, check her out again. Sherry's the real deal. I absolutely was so excited that you agreed to be on the podcast, and we'll get, I, I will be mushy for the next 10 minutes. [01:04:00] If we don't , try to wrap it up. So
Sherry Belul: thank you. Let me just say really deeply appreciate the work you're doing in the world. I love your podcast. I love your energy. I just love, again, like how, how you're leaving such a beautiful footprint on this planet. Thank you.
Shawn Buttner: Thank you. Yeah. With that folks, we'll see you in the next episode. Thanks for, listening to the the Meaningful Revolution podcast.
