S5E14 - How To Handle Crisis
===
Shawn Buttner: [00:00:00] Hey everyone. Welcome back to the Meaningful Revolution Podcast, or welcome. If you're joining us for the first time. I am your host and certified high performance coach, Shawn Buttner, and we're coming back from a couple week hiatus. So I have been really dealing with a family crisis or crisis. As we're moving my dad from Chicago to Seattle for some health reasons, so he can be a little bit closer to my brother.
And so that's why I've been away. If you've been wondering before we get in today's episode, but I wanted to say first off while I was away, we reached over a thousand downloads of the podcast, which is super exciting, and I wanted to share that amazing metric with y'all. You all did it right? It is me talking here and talking with people, but without you folks supporting and cheering on and leaving [00:01:00] comments and subscribing and all of that stuff we would not have had that amazing metric.
And so I'm very grateful for you. I am very enthusiastic about how we've been able to manage this podcast. it's been amazing. It's been fun and I hope to continue to do this. We've also since launching the podcast of Not Ha, missed a Week, so even with redoing the last two weeks with some of my favorite episodes in people, which was really more work, trying to pick who to highlight cuz everyone's been super amazing that I've interviewed and talked with so far.
I haven't missed since we launched this last August in 20 or August, 2020. So how cool is that? So thank you. I hope you continue to enjoy this podcast. And as always, if you're new, welcome, please enjoy [00:02:00] it. And share this with a couple folks if you think they're gonna need to hear about what our topic is today.
And what is the topic for today's podcast? Good question. Let me answer that for you. It is, How to manage crisis more effectively in your life. Because if you think about it, we underestimate ourselves in times of crisis. So many times when we're presented with a new and huge problem, and for instance, maybe we're facing a, the mortality of our parents, meaning maybe you've had a parent at hospice, maybe you have a parent that was sick.
If you've had a family member, Had an accident or was unexpectedly ill or was expectedly ill. All of these things can really put stress on you as a person, on your character, on how you're showing up, and ultimately how we're pursuing our meaningful revolutions. [00:03:00] Those things that we find meaning in that we hope to change the world.
We have to hope to have that impact with. And so I think it's really important, as with a podcast called The Meaningful Revolution that we talk about. Pr crisises, how they have three distinct phases and a couple of things that I think of when they show up in my life, and I'll share some stories about that too.
So if we can properly prepare for what life throws at us, that's unexpected, then we can learn, we can grow, we can show up as our best. We can act with integrity and we can continue to further our meaningful revolutions. And if we do not, that's when we get stuck in the crisis and we miss opportunities to heal, to grow, and to ultimately move on.
So many people today are still stuck in the early days of the pandemic when we [00:04:00] didn't have a lot of information. There's a lot of. Confusion and anxiety going on, and so people shut in and hold up and that was appropriate for that time. As things progressed and we had vaccines, we had more information.
We started to see a lot of people seeking comfort and meditation apps, things that would help us remain calm. Those types of things were really popular in 20 21, 20 22, and then at the end of every crisis, the people that were able to gracefully move through it.
And when I say gracefully, it's not like every moment was perfectly done. Like everyone had the freak outs who can say Things that the world and environment has shifted. It's time for something new right now. Those are the folks that are able to take advantage of the end of the crisis and [00:05:00] move forward.
And at the end of the last financial crisis, right in two, 2007 with the mortgages, that's after that is when the Googles got big. Facebook got big, Twitter, got. A lot of these technology firms that we take for granted or use every day really went from small to big during that period of crisis.
And I think we're going to see, if you look around here, that there's this AI trend that seems to be kicking off right now. And I think this could be one of those. And the benefits of getting through, like the covid type crisis, the pandemic crisis. The economic crisis that's, happening as we speak.
So we might have gone from one crisis to the next I, feel that the next set of companies in particular in tech, because that's my background before coaching, [00:06:00] it will be like AI and the next year or so. So how do you capitalize on those trends? How do you capitalize on not getting. In and in fear in that kind of situation or more personally?
I'll tell you that moving my dad this last three weeks was intense because it's one of those, things where we had to move him out of his house that he lived in for 15 years, where my mom had passed well was living there when she passed in the hospital, and there is a moment, a realization helping him clean up and get packed where like time froze.
And what do I mean by that? Going through all the things that were there and my dad has a lot of mobility issues now because of he is back is fused, he's three verte refused. He's not breathing super well. [00:07:00] There's a lot of things going on with him. He couldn't really bend over.
He couldn't really, his endurance was really low and so there's basically things where he could reach that were organized and then everything else was a mess. And so some places that he couldn't reach had like my mom's driver's license or handwritten notes or like what she was working on before she went to the hospital.
All those years. And so in a weird way, like time was frozen from that crisis in our family when, my mom was sick. And so fast forward seven years to today and we're moving out and a lot of those things are still around. You can still feel the heaviness and in grief in the house. And of course, on top of my dad's anxiety for moving on top of.
The Hercu lean effort [00:08:00] to clean up that place and get him set for the jury across the country. It was pretty intense. And like this crisis, I'll call it a crisis, definitely wasn't at like apples compared to when my mom passed, but there are still some health components with my dad going on right now.
And so in each of those moments, you have to ask yourself. What do I do? Like, how do I wanna show up here? How, what do I wanna role model? How do I wanna serve? And I think that's the, main question I post to you in dealing with any of global crises versus stuff that's personal, family-wise, relationship-wise is how do you serve.
In those moments when you might not want to. I remember when we put my [00:09:00] mom on hospice, the last thing I wanted to do when that decision was made was to go in that room and sit with her because I wanted to curl up and cry. I was having some big feelings, but I remember in that moment having done a lot of personal development work and I run a credit like Brendan Burchard.
As my coach, Michelle Julio and people that have helped me, and mentors that have helped me personally figure out who I was as a person and how to live authentically allowed me to show up in a way that I'm proud of in that moment and, saying no, I need to be there and sit in this very difficult situation where all I wanna do is shut down and hide, and.
Sort through my feelings, but that's not gonna serve the person I love right now. It went in and held my mom's hand and [00:10:00] talked about life and hopes and dreams and potentially marrying the girl that I was seeing at the time, which I did so big. Shout out to Ashley and it, turned into.
Turned a terrible situation into something where I look back and I feel proud on how I showed up, and then I know my brother feels the same way. So about h how he showed up in that moment too. And, so it's important to train for crisises, and so again, like how did I wanna show up? How did I wanna serve in this moment with my dad?
So we've got two stories going on. I, figured I'd just go through it and, so this isn't some like magical thinking that you're gonna get everything right. I'm sure there's tons and tons of things. In both of these situations that I could have done differently to have showed up more as the strong get it done kind of [00:11:00] person that I want to be out in the world and as aspire to be.
But don't always live up to that. And I think we all have that idea in ourselves. And if you don't, that's why you should hire a coach. And we can talk about that here in a bit. But I, really do believe in those moments. If you're not doing the work now, if you're not getting the map before you head out in the forest to figure out where you're going, that you can get lost and get, and the guilt of not doing what you could have done or showing up as your best self in those intense moments.
So now I, know that we started off the podcast saying that we underestimate ourselves in times of crisis, and I do believe that's true. I also want to say that you can't, again, nail everything a hundred percent perfect the first time around. And a lot of times when the [00:12:00] big things in life come by you're just gonna make the best decision you can and hope for the best, right?
And sometimes a good enough decision, it's not the optimal decision. Or you could beat yourself up for thinking, oh, if I would've thought of that in the moment, things would've been different. But that's, not what underestimating ourselves in, times of crisis is about. And, you'll get lost, and then if you can, if you think that way or continue to think that way, but really let you.
We all have capabilities. We all have been successful in some parts of our lives. I, truly believe that. And instead of focusing on heaviness, on the problem, on the thing that, that's tripping you up or on the crisis itself and getting that tunnel vision, and this is where we are at. Taking [00:13:00] some time to find that quiet spot inside and say, no I've overcome deaths in the family.
I've overcome unexpected illness, I've overcome relationship issues, I've overcome trouble at work, or whatever that is for ya. Slowing down and reminding yourself that you did get through those times, that you can get through those times and that like everything in life. Crisis is time bound.
And if you can remember that you just have to endure for a certain amount of time that there will be an end. Cuz there's always an end to crisis in our lives that you'll come up on top and you'll come out and you'll figure it out. And so there's a confidence in that. So basically what I'm saying is this is [00:14:00] not like a blanket statement that always applies.
I know that there are times where maybe you don't have the capability or, whatnot in your life to pursue or persevere through a crisis, but oftentimes we, if we haven't done the work, we'll quit before we start okay. Anyways. Here's how I've always think through crises, and I thought it might be helpful for y'all.
So grab your notes, grab a journal, and we'll go through these five different things that I have for managing and handling crises or crisis even better. I don't mind, I can't say it right all the time, but Huh? Okay. All right. So first thing in handling crisis I, think that's really important. So remember that your feelings don't control you, so don't panic.
Even if you feel [00:15:00] that panic, even if you feel that sense of dread, even if you feel that sense of anxiety or tightness in your chest, you don't have to adhere to those feelings. You can choose a different way, and you have to be very clear on your character and who you want to. In those times of crisis.
So for instance, when I was sharing that story about my mom going into hospice that feeling of I don't want to see my parent pass away. And it was that kind of an intense moment. I remember hearing the words, I remember being in shock. I remember very clearly that. The hospice worker's do you want to go see your mom right now?
And there's that split second where you can see the future. And there's in this moment, I can say yes or no. [00:16:00] And the implications of saying, no, I can't handle this. I'm gonna kick myself in the butt forever. If the roles were reversed. And she were, she was me, and I was the one in the hospital bed.
Having survived heart attacks and strokes and all the things that she went through, there's no way in hell she was going to walk away. She would be in that room holding my hand, and that was the decision. Then it's I don't want to see this. I don't want this to happen. I don't want to be here right now, but she needs me to be here.
And so I said yes, and I walked in. My brother at that moment said I, can't deal with it. And he left for a second and then saw that I went and, turned around and, we were both there with her and those last moments. [00:17:00] And so that's intense, but that, that feeling of panic, anxiety of. Gut reaction to run and hide didn't win because my feelings didn't control me in that moment.
And that's why that's the first point here is in times of crisis, your feelings don't control you. So number two, the right decision to make if you have to make decisions in, crises is how do you serve And. And I, so something that, I don't know why it's been drilled into me or why I believe this, but it is something I do believe in.
You can read books like Victor Frankl's, men's Search For Meaning, where he talks about surviving the Holocaust camps, the concentration camps during World War ii, and as a psychia psychiatrist, psychologist, he wrote this book. And [00:18:00] talked about the people that survived the roughest and most horrible circumstances human beings can face which is consistent starvation and the poor conditions in the camps.
And, All that's business, right? In those most horrible, dehumanizing circumstances, the people that survived were the people that were helping the other people in the camp, right? So they found purpose in service and Right. That allow them to endure. Total inhumane circumstance and, live, and it doesn't have to be something again that dire, but it goes to show you that and to show in a podcast where we're talking about meaning and we're talking about [00:19:00] creating your revolution in all situations.
It's good to ask the question, how can I serve? But especially, Moments of crisis. So for the pandemic, for instance, for as a coach, that's when I got really consistent on going live every week and talking through just ways to help you thrive, right? It was before this meaningful revolution idea. So I was still trying to figure all that stuff out, but.
Instead of going stir crazy and panicking and feeling anxious all the time, it's like, how can I connect with people? How can I really try to, help somebody else feel a little bit more in their center throughout this? And that was my goal. When I went three times a week or four times a.
Or five times a week, I can't remember. During the [00:20:00] Pandemic Live is to just connect with people and help coach them into, we got this, we'll figure it out. Gotta make adjustments and move, forward. So it's, again, I'll just summarize that point. It's the right decision is to find service in the difficult circumstance.
Third thing is to keep in mind that speaking of my mom, it's something she taught me growing up, is that crisis doesn't need, necessarily need to mean misery. It's a mouthful, but crisis doesn't mean misery. It can, but sometimes when. The unexpected or the heavy thing or the, huge cataclysm happens.
The best thing you could do is to find what's funny in it. And my mom was the best at that, that I knew of in my life. So I remember her being in the [00:21:00] hospital after one of her strokes and she kept telling me, my brother and my dad that like one day we're gonna look back and laugh at this. And it.
Insane to think she's saying this cuz she's hooked up to an oxygen mask. She's got all sorts of machines tied up to her and it's not funny. You know what I mean? It was not a, funny situation, but she believed we would look back and laugh at her being all tied up looking like a cyborg and We laughed we, what are you talking about, mom?
And she's we'll, find a way. And she was always confident in that. And so there are times when times get tough. We can still fe find joy, we can still find those moments that are beautiful. We can still find those things that are meaningful to us. And even and [00:22:00] in spite of hard circumstance, We can choose to make those moments joyful.
And it's like Sherry Belu said in the previous podcast we shared you can celebrate in the moment and you can hold two truths, right? This can suck. This is something I can find fun in or joy in, or can celebrate the small. In the darkness, cuz eventually it moves on. So again, crisis doesn't need to mean misery.
Fourth point is to have grace with mistakes. And most times if there's a crisis at work or in a relationship sometimes you make the best choice that you possibly can in that moment. And maybe it's not the most optimal one. Maybe it's not the best one, but. Making a choice and seeing it through [00:23:00] a lot of times can get you out of getting stuck in the crisis.
So for the folks that are still boarded up in their houses afraid of Covid I don't think there's many of those folks out, but if that's you I'm cheering you on and I get it right. And. We have vaccines, we have a better understanding of, the virus and what's going on. So yeah, I'd encourage you to think what do you need to do to get outta that mode?
If that's you if that's not you, like what is something big going on in your life and, how can you shift your thinking? How can you make decisions so you don't get. And how can you make those decisions and get, again, give yourself grace to learn to, try [00:24:00] to evolve past where you're at, because a lot of times, If you're stuck in fear, again, you're not taking any actions.
And so we need to help you get moving and get, into action. So have some grace with, any of your speaks. And then the fifth thing people tend to forget in a crisis moment is that there's usually a lot of opportunity at the end. And I shared a little bit of this before. but you need to position yourself to be stronger when the crisis passes. And so that is skilling up. That is. Learning that is getting your, all your ducks in a row so that when things are done, you can get back into your work, into your, family, into your community, into your wellness and health programs.
So it could be a time of reflection and shifting. [00:25:00] A lot of times for example, they've called the pandemic a lot, the great reset where a lot of people. Slow down enough to be like, why am I killing myself at these three jobs that aren't paying me enough to make ends meet when I could maybe shift careers, right?
So maybe I'll stop doing the three restaurant jobs and work in an Amazon warehouse, for instance, cuz it's steady hours, it's higher pay, and just quality of life will be better doing that a lot of times if you can get out of the panic and the emotionality of the crisis, it could mean a lot opportunity afterwards.
What is that opportunity for you? What do you need to work on? What skills do you need to identify and get after? What would really help you serve with more excellence after the crisis is over or [00:26:00] as it's ending? And those types of questions will get you a pump to get you really in the game. What get you thinking about?
How can you, how you're gonna live with excitement in that next part of your life? With all that said, if you are struggling with a crisis in your life right now and it's not a health crisis or mental health crisis, cuz there's professionals for that, I am a coach not a health professional or a mental health professional.
Assuming it's not an emergency, but you're dealing with showing up as your best self through some of these crisis. And you're like, I can do better. I know I can do better. I don't know how. That's why a lot of people talk to a coach. So you can see a link below to sign up for a free one hour strategy session with me.
You just click that link, fill out a quick application so I get to know your situation better so we can have a really amazing one hour talk. And people love [00:27:00] this session. And I've had people cry. I've had people. Write me back later and be like, Hey, this one idea during this free call you gave me completely changed my life.
And so it's powerful. I know people love it. I'd love to help you transform in that way. And I know that if you're struggling a little bit and. Moving through a crisis that if I can't help you, I can at least point you to someone who can. So give it a try. Click the link below, fill out the application, sign up for a time, and we will go from there.
Okay. That side guys. Thank you for this amazing episode of me for Revolution podcast. It was a little bit different format from what we're doing before, but I'm always experimenting. At the end of the day though it's the time to provide or to prepare for the next big crisis in your life is now when you're calm, collected, and have the time to, to really [00:28:00] think about how you would prefer to show up.
Remember tho those five things, don't panic. Serve is the right decision in most cases. Crisis doesn't need necessarily mean misery have grace with mistakes, and then position yourself to be stronger at the end. Again, hit that link below to sign up for a free one hour of coaching with me.
I'd love to help you and we'll see you in the next episode of the Meaningful Revolution.
